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I have lived my entire life behind walls I constructed in order to protect myself from the pains of this world. At a young age I came to believe that it was better to keep everyone as far away from my heart as possible rather than letting them get the chance to hurt me. I made an observation that I am warring against to this day. “People leave.”

My parents got divorced when I was about two, they remarried and then divorced those spouses. I lost step parents, step grandparents, and step brothers and sisters. Along with this, I changed schools a lot between the third and seventh grade which meant losing friends, making more, and moving again. Now these moves and changes had positive effects along with the negative. I learned to be outgoing, charismatic, and extremely friendly in order to never be fully “alone.” However while I was making a ton of new friends I never really let anyone beyond the walls that I was building in order to protect myself from the next move, next divorce, or next loss. There are some obvious problems with this. In the end I felt like no one really knew me, so I began to try and share myself.

God has been very gracious to deliver me from a great deal of sin and pain in my life and because of this I find it rather easy to talk about many things that most would struggle to share. I have always been able to talk about the pains of growing up in a broken home, struggling with addiction, and my constant need to be in a relationship. However this sharing of my struggles and dark past never brought me the satisfaction in relationships that I thought it would. I found that while I was able to go deep in conversation with others, I still felt… unknown.

I once had someone say to me that the first thing Satan will do when he is attacking you is get you away from everyone and everything that will point you back to the one person who has the power to deliver you from your troubles. Scripture affirms this saying, “Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” The interesting thing about lions is that they never attack the main group head on, but rather attempt to get a single victim away from the protection of the herd in order to take it down alone, when the prey is the most vulnerable. Likewise Satan often attempts to get us alone when we are at our weakest in order to devour us.

I think that most of us can identify with this. I remember in high school, I was attending a teen community bible study that met at a local church. I found that the nights that I least wanted to go were usually the nights when I probably needed it the most. When things weren’t going well at school, or work or with my family I dreaded the idea of going to that bible study. Satan was keeping me in that darkness, away from everyone that would point me back towards Christ.

This is one of the biggest places that modern American Christians have left the door open for Satan to attack in their lives. I of all people understand that “organized religion” and “church” has been responsible for some very wrong and ungodly things. However, simply because some people got it wrong along the way doesn’t mean that we should simply abandon it all together. Rather, we should take in to account how people have messed it up, gotten it wrong, and gone astray so that we can make sure that we do not follow those paths.

Scripture makes it clear that the Christian faith is NOT an individualistic belief system. We are called as a body. The word church itself comes from the Greek word ekklesia which means “the called out ones.” We are, as a group, called out of the world to be the image bearers of Christ in a world that is so desperately searching for His love and truth in their lives.

We are called as a body…

Paul writes about this over and over in his letters in the Bible. In Ephesians chapter 4 Paul writes,

“I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace… Speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.”

We all have been given gifts and talents by our Creator and each have a specific role to play within the body of Christ. You are important. You are important to the body of Christ.

I am tired of people saying that they believe in God but don’t believe in organized religion. The writer of the book of Hebrews in the bible actually speak against this mentality. “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”

We were created to be in community. From the very beginning in Genesis 2, God says, “It is not good for man to be alone…” So don’t tell me that you can do it on your own without the fellowship of brothers and sisters walking along side you. I tried and I will tell you now that it doesn’t work. We are all members of one body, and there is no way that a foot can do what it is supposed to do if it is not connected to the leg. There is no way that an eye can do what it is supposed to do without its place in the head.

Now before I go on, I think its important to address some of the reasons why we hesitate to take our rightful, God-given place in the body of Christ. For some of us, we are afraid. We have done things that while we know that we are forgiven by Christ, we do not believe that our brothers and sisters will be able to forgive. But 1 John warns us against fear. “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us.” The idea here is that we all have fallen short (rom 3:23) and that we all have been saved from the same judgment that we deserve. Fallen brother or sister, let me encourage you that whatever it is that you have done, if Christ has forgiven you (and he has) then you have nothing fear. There is no judgment for those saved by the everlasting, abounding, and steadfast love of our Lord Jesus Christ. I, like you, have sinned and spit in the face of God, and like you have been graciously forgiven… Be freed from your shame and take your place in the body of Christ.

Others may find themselves in a situation like mine. I have always been so afraid of being abandoned that I would never let anyone near enough for me to get attached. However, this again leaves me in a very vulnerable place when it comes to Satan’s attacks. I have had to learn through counseling both professional and spiritual, that I HAVE to tear the walls down and let people close to my heart. I’ll admit that I have had a very broken understanding of what family is growing up. I saw a group of people bound together by obligation and tradition, and even that didn’t ensure that people would stay together. However, the apostle Paul paint’s a different picture of what God intends for family, both spiritual and relational.

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

God’s family is one that bears with one another through our weaknesses and flaws. It is a family that goes out of its way to build one another up, challenge one another, and encourage one another. It is not bound together by obligation or legal bonds, but rather is held together by love. It is important to note, however, that it is not our love that holds it together. It is the perfect sacrificial love that Christ demonstrated on that cursed cross that allows us to love one another beyond ourselves. Do you understand what I’m getting at here?

We must allow ourselves to be broken and weak with one another in order to share the healing love of Christ in each other’s lives. So if you’re like me, afraid to open up, afraid to be weak, I challenge you to really evaluate what it is that you are afraid of losing. If you are anything like me you know that living behind the walls, while bearing the illusion of safety, is a very lonely and dark place… Allow the walls to come down and step into the beautiful light of the fellowship of Christ.

John writes, “Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.”

On that cross, Christ allowed himself to be weak, naked, and broken. He shared all of that with us, so that we may come to him in our weakness, our nakedness, our brokenness and not feel ashamed. For as says it says in Hebrews, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”I have recently begun to tear down the walls of my heart with great vigor and passion, only to find the grace of God flooding through… I have found new meaning in relationships. I have found new beauty in life. I have found a new appreciation for my place given to me within the body of Christ. My prayer is that would you step beyond your fear, out of the darkness, and tear down your walls in order to find Your place among the body Christ. He has called you by name… Come, my dear child…

Just Sayins All…

Rusty

When I look back on my short life and try to figure out how I got to where I am, to be who I am, and how I got through the things I did, I cannot help but see God working throughout my story. My life has been rocky to say the least and to say that I got here alone would be the biggest lie I’ve ever told. When I look at how God worked (and continues to work) in my life, I see that He always placed certain individuals along my path to guide me, correct me, and teach me in what it means to be a man of God. And whether they know it or not, they were used by God to mold and shape me into the man I am becoming…

In last couple of months I have been working my way through the book of 1 Samuel in the bible. It’s a really interesting book to see how faith travels through generations and how God connects people’s lives. Within this book the writer tells the story of David and how he becomes king and the opposition that arises on his journey. Saul, the king David is to replace, ends up hunting David down in an attempt to protect his own kingship. However, Jonathan, Saul’s son, choses to protect David from his father’s rage. When I reflect on everything that I’ve read out of 1 Samuel, the thing I keep coming back to is this relationship between David and Jonathan.

From the moment that David and Jonathan meet (right after that David and Goliath business) the two have friendship and bond that, as I mentioned, eventually saves David’s life. Scripture reads:

As soon as [David] had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.

Later the two realize that Saul is out to kill David and Jonathan tells David to run…

Then Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, because we have sworn both of us in the name of the Lord, saying, ‘The Lord shall be between me and you, and between my offspring and your offspring, forever.’”

Allow me to first paint a broader background picture. Jonathan is the King’s son. He is in line to be king, but in his humility he recognizes God working in David’s life and desires for God to be glorified. Unlike his father, Jonathan is truly a man of God and proves this on several occasions. He is able to look past his own personal gain to see how God is working in the lives of those around him. I think that this makes this relationship all the more powerful…

the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David…

There are so many people that have been in my life for just a short season yet still had a profound impact on me. I can go years without seeing these people and reunite without even realizing we’ve been apart. God has given me these relationships where the path of my life crossed with someone else’s and for a moment, just a short moment our souls connected. I carry these people with me in everything I do. In the darkest moments when all seems lost, there always seems to be someone there… And when the relationships seem like distant memories I know that God will never leave me alone.

In the New Testament of the Bible there a letter written by Paul to the church of Colossae which is to be later passed on to the church at Laodicea. It’s one of my favorite books of the Bible. Now Paul was in prison when he wrote this letter so it had a been a while since he had actually interacted with the believers in these cities and therefore he wouldn’t know everyone, but he writes this note of encouragment…

I want you to realize that I continue to work as hard as I know how for you, and also for the Christians over at Laodicea. Not many of you have met me face-to-face, but that doesn’t make any difference. Know that I’m on your side, right alongside you. You’re not in this alone. I want you woven into a tapestry of love, in touch with everything there is to know of God. Then you will have minds confident and at rest, focused on Christ, God’s great mystery.

Another translation of this passages reads, “that their hearts may be encouraged, being knit together in love…” Paul, a former Jewish teacher would have been very familiar with the story of Jonathan and David. He takes the strength and power of that brotherly love and applies it to us as Christians. We are called to be knit together and to love one another as we love ourselves…

Too often I feel like people in our world and society are in constant search of marriage. We are eager to meet our spouse, to get married, to “have someone,” but it seems that we are so focused on finding that one “special” relationship that we ignore all of the God-given friends we have around us. For me, it has taken years and years to even begin to learn this lesson. Relationships take time and effort. We must open ourselves up and pour ourselves out into one another. It’s not an easy task, especially in a culture that has come to trust no one, but we have to step out and trust one another.

We are not alone on this earth. All of mankind was created to be a child of God. You were created to be a child of God. Yet we lost our way as children and Jesus came to restore the relationship and teaches us what it really means to embrace our Father. The relationships that we build with one another through the love of God, ends up intertwining with those around us creating this master piece, a “tapestry of love” as Paul writes.

My prayer is that you would realize that you’re not alone. Whatever you are dealing with in your life, there are others that know what you are going through. When you’re lonely and the world seems full of strangers, I pray that you would come to realize that we are all members of one body, one family. Then, I pray that you would begin to find or develop relationships in your life in which you experience God’s love. I hope that you would come to find yourself knit to your brothers and sisters around you. And if you don’t believe that you have any brothers or sisters, even if you don’t know me, my heart cries out to you. Contact me and in whatever way I can, I will be there for you. And I can only offer this because God has gifted me with so many people to carry my burdens with me.

Imagine, just for a moment, what it will be like when we can love one another as our own souls. When, like Jonathan, we can see God moving in the lives of those around us and be a part of that.

God’s word also says

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.

All this to say, I pray that we would all take a moment to thank God for the relationships in our lives, and that we might come to realize how precious a gift a true friend really is…

p.s. the name Jonathan means Gift from God…

Just Sayins All…

Rusty

Have you ever been so worried about something that it was the last thing that you thought about whenever you went to bed and the first thing that you thought about when your feet hit the floor in the morning? I’ve recently really been struggling with something like this in my own life. It wasn’t anything life shattering, but it was really a big burden on my heart. As I went through the rest of the day, I really couldn’t stop about how I was going to respond to the situation before me.

To be completely honest I was really tempted to just turn and run the other way. There was part of me that thought that if I just ignored the problem and did my own thing, eventually things would work themselves out. And though this probably true to some extent. One way or another things always work out, whether they work out in a good way or turn out to be a disaster is a different story. My point is that I had the option of just ignoring it all and going my own way.

A while ago I was talking to a mentor of mine and I was telling him how I had a problem with all of the different denomintaions in Christianity. You have all these different divisions: baptist, methodist, lutheran, episcopalian, presbyterian, and so on. They all proclaim Jesus’ death and resurrection, but they argue over all of the other things. My temptation at that time was to just run from all kinds of denominations in the hope of getting free from all of the petty arguments. However my mentor told me something that I still think about a lot. He told me that I could very easily go out and start a new church whenever I get older, get away from all of the church politics and it could even do really well. But in the end I would just be adding one more church to that list of divisions under Christianity. He told me to look at all of the major revolutions that have ever occurred throughout history. Almost everyone of them, he pointed out, began from within. Change really comes from within. If I really want to change the way that churches interact with one another I need to be apart of one of those churches and start changing the conversation.

I had so much going on in my head today that I just couldn’t focus, so I met one of my best friends up for lunch to vent. After ranting about all kinds of different things I came to a conclusion that I already knew. This just like everything else was a problem of mis-prioritizing. I am always quick to tell people the truth that if you get your focus on God 100% like it should be then everything else will fall into place. I knew that this was the case and that I needed to implement my own advice into this particular problem. I just didn’t know how that it was going to manifest itself.

I am still slowly working through this really amazing book called Principles of Spiritual Growth. I was reading this chapter on time. These were two amazing different passages that really meant a lot to me today.

To taste the grace of God is one things; to be established in it and manifest it in character, habit, and regular life, is another. … Fruit ripens slowly; days of sunshine and days of storm each add their share. Blessing will succeed blessing and storm follow storm before the fruit is full grown or comes to maturity.

There are great days, days of decisive battles, days of crises in spiritual history, days of triumph in Christian service, days of the right hand of God upon us. But there are also idle days, days apparently useless when even prayer and holy service seem a burden. Are we, in any sense, renewed by these days? Yes, for any experience which makes us more aware of our need of God must contribute to spiritual progress, unless we deny the Lord who bought us.

After reading this I was really encouraged. I had also gotten several amazing encouragements from people around me so I really feel a lot better about the situation at hand. But in the end these passages mean a lot. The point that the author was making is that we grow like fruit. We do not simply grow because we go through a struggle. We do get stronger whenever we come out of it, but we do not necessarily grow. Growing takes time and nutrients. Growing takes our time and God’s nutrients.

Today definitely began as an idle day, seemingly useless, but after a while I began to see past the storm. Though it may still be raining, I can see light on the horizon and I know that it will end well. I came to the conclusion that if I wanted to change the situation I needed to change it from within. I just have to change the conversation. It will be hard but nowhere does God promise us an easy life. I think that that has a lot to do with how we should view a lot of our lives. It will always storm, but we must focus on the peace that will one day rule over the world, the peace that comes from Jesus.

Just Sayins All…

Rusty

I’d like to first apologize to anyone who regularly reads my website for not writing this last week. I have been working as a small group leader for S.W.A.T. (student welcome and transition) at school and I also moved into my townhouse on campus. It was an eventful week to say the least. Now that school has started I plan on writing regularly and hopefully daily.

Honestly ask yourself this question. Who do you trust?

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about trust recently. Society has really gotten it into our minds that we shouldn’t trust anyone. We should live completely isolated and trust only the things that we can control. If we show the slightest hint of trust in the unknown we are labeled as naive. When I stopped to think about it, this is a very clever ploy by the world to get us to stop believing in the world, in each other, and in ourselves. If you take trust out of the picture you consequentially take out faith. And a world without faith is dead.

Then there’s this whole thing where people have started saying that we shouldn’t forgive and forget but that we should forgive and remember. And the twisted logic behind it can be very convincing at times. I mean none of us want to get hurt or lied to, so why give someone the opportunity twice. Then you take it a step farther and why even give them the opportunity to hurt us at all. Then before we know it, we close ourselves off completely from everyone around us. We isolate ourselves and in turn create a self-defeating cycle in which we need someone to love and help us but keep everyone away.

So between these two concepts we become faithless (and in turn hopeless) and alone. Lovely…

My point in all of this is that we should trust more. We should have more faith in one another. Trust is such a powerful thing. It can change the way a person looks at themselves and acts out in the world. Honestly one of the biggest reason’s that I didn’t get into an insane amount of trouble in high school was because my parents trusted me not to. It doesn’t sound like much, but if you have ever had someone who you hold in high regards tell you that they were disappointed in you, then you know how much that trust can mean and how much it can hurt to lost it.

I know it can be hard to give someone another chance whenever they have hurt you before, but Jesus tells Peter that he should forgive his brother not seven times but seventy-seven times. It’s not about keeping track of how many times they sin against you, but its about forgiving them as many times as necessary. And its definitely not about pacifying bad behavior, but about encouraging good behavior through love. Trust is a sign of respect and of honor and a lot of people don’t have any respect for themselves. It shows. If we can all show a little respect to one another, maybe we might start acting with respect towards one another. Maybe we’d start giving honor to those around us. Then maybe when we start respecting one another we would start to appreciate the value of a human life and start reaching out to everyone in need of our help like the poor, hungry and thirsty.

God has entrusted us with the responsibility to spread His love to the world in order that we may experience freedom and fullness of life in the only thing that really fulfills, His love. It’s not naive to trust or have faith in someone that has messed up before. God trusts and has faith in us, is He naive?

Just Sayins All…

Rusty

What are you afraid of? I don’t mean like snakes and spiders, but what really scares you? I don’t know about anyone else, but the one thing that terrifies me, the thing that keeps me up at night… is loneliness. Now I don’t lose a lot of sleep over it these days, but at one time I did. My answer to what I’m afraid of was always along the lines of, “Being alone. Not like alone in an empty room, but relationally.” This used to haunt me.

My parents divorced when I was very young and I think that had a lot to do with it. Now it wasn’t that I wasn’t loved by my parents, I know they loved me with all of their hearts. I think it just showed me that this life is hard, things change, and relationships are never perfect. So I became determined to find some perfect relationship and be loved by everyone. But the more I pushed towards this goal, the more lonely I felt. I missed out on a lot of great friendships because of this in high school. It really was a losing battle from the beginning. You see, I knew from a very young age that I wanted to serve God either as a missionary or a pastor. So I was always talking about this, but then I got to high school and things changed. In the attempt to become loved by all, I tried to be what I thought everyone wanted me to be, but it didn’t work. I couldn’t understand it. I was supposed to be a good guy, I wanted to be a pastor for crying out loud, and yet… I just rubbed people the wrong way. I never found that love I was so desperately seeking. By the time I graduated, I had alienated almost everyone close to me. My guess would be that everyone saw me as a massive hypocrite. To anyone from that part of my life reading this, I am very sorry for my actions during that time.

It took me a long time to realize the error of my ways. It really took God breaking me down and spelling it out to me. But for the first time in a long time I found a peace in His truth, I am loved. Not only that, but I realized that the love that I was so desperate to find in my shallow relationships, would never have satisfied me had I gotten it. Personally I think that it was pride that kept me from realizing all of this sooner. I was too arrogant and stubborn to admit that anything was wrong. I was terrified to look inside of myself. I knew that I probably wouldn’t like what I saw, so I avoided it completely. But in the end it just ate me up from the inside out and by the pure grace of God I confronted my fears. I saw that I was really messed up, and starving for acceptance.

I don’t know if you have ever felt this way, but if so, let me tell you, there is hope. Ever since the garden, we have been born seeking acceptance, love, security… ever wonder why babies cry when they’re born or why kids always want to be held? We as a race are searching for God’s perfect love. Look at the mass media today… what do you see? Ads of clothes and cars that will get you noticed… self help books and six minute ab videos that will make you into the person you want to be (to get other people to like you)… and sex everywhere, pornography offering an “intimacy” to anyone anywhere… That’s why it so popular and widespread. It offers the illusion of that missing bond we long for… We try to become someone who everyone will love and we try to cover up anything unattractive about ourselves. But it’s impossible. You’ll never get to that point where everyone loves you. And if you could, you would find that it’s not what you are really looking for. I think that’s why so many celebrities struggle with the things that they do… millions of adoring fans… and no one to talk to. I think that could drive me to the verge of just about anything.

God sees you as you are. He knows everything that you’re dealing with… and He still loves you. That is just so amazing to me. I am really open about so many things, but even still, I have skeletons in my closet, and to think that God would still have me after know all of that stuff, it blows my mind. We shouldn’t think that we have to dress up in church clothes to get God to notice us. Trust me… He’s not impressed. Our clothes are just reminders of the fact that we screwed up in the garden. He created our bodies to be beautiful, but nope… sin got in the way (so now we have Abercrombie and Hollister to cover our shame).

But it’s alright, God doesn’t work like the world. He’s really the opposite of it, and that’s the beauty of it. You do not have to impress Him to earn His love. He already loves you. It’s yours. It doesn’t matter what you have done. He WILL take you back. Read Hosea… or the parable of the Prodigal Son… It’s the message of the Gospel, the good news, for all of us. We no longer have to try and be someone we’re not. We have been freed, severed from the ways of this world. We don’t have to try and earn our love. It was this message that changed my life. Jesus’ ultimate love for me drives me on daily. It’s great, it really is, but that doesn’t mean that it’s easy.

But this is why just living your life for Christ can be so much more powerful than running around shouting Jesus at the top of your lungs. It isn’t your job to convince people that you’ve changed. If you really are striving after God, people will notice. I know how hard it can be to make those changes, to walk away from the lives that we lived and follow Jesus, but it’s what we’re called to do. Accept the fact that God loves you and believes in you. Trust in God to provide for you. And you will realize that just a little faith can conquer the biggest fears.

Just Sayins All…

Rusty