This is Pride…
I’ve recently found myself completely broken and weak at the work of my own hands. At some point in my arrogance and pride I began living as if I could walk on my own, away from the strength and provision of God. I drifted away from God’s word and truth and honestly lived without a fear of God, which I have now come to see is vital to understanding salvation. I got along patting myself on the back and eventually awoke in a spiritual ditch unaware of how I got there. Even then I caught myself fighting to pick myself up and push myself along as if by my own might I would make a difference. Then when I finally got to the point where I recognized my total need for Christ as savior I beat myself up for not realizing this before and not submitting to his authority. The problem with this self abuse is that it again is me working to teach myself a lesson as if I could change on my own power. This is a vicious and brutal cycle that has caused me and those around me great pain and suffering. This is pride.
Some have written that pride is the beginning of all sin, but I would go on to say that our sin really stems from a desire to dethrone God in order to take his rightful place as king. We wage war against God that we might rule and then in our “kindness” or “grace” we offer God a place under our new order as a wise counsel or personal aid. However this goes against everything that Scripture reveals about the character and nature of God. I assure you that God will not be threatened by a weak and feeble creature as me, yet we still vie for his authority.
We see this from the very beginning of the story of man. Our nature has been tainted with this wicked desire from the earliest of days. Genesis gives an account of the creation and fall of mankind: God creates man in his own image, blesses man with woman, and then gives them a beautiful world not only to live in, but to rule and cultivate. They had dominion over “the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over everything that moves on the earth.” The entire world was submitted to their authority, giving them more power than any man after them, outside God incarnate in Christ Jesus. It was there in the midst of their earthy dominion that Satan comes to the woman and tells her God is a liar and tempts her saying, “For God knows that when you eat of [the fruit] your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” Scripture goes on to say, “So the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and it was a delight to the eyes, and the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her and he ate.”
There are a couple of important things to note about this. The first is with what Satan tempts her. Woman’s fall comes in the belief that she could be like God. With all that God had given them, they wanted more and were willing to dethrone God in order to get it. Now remember Satan has planted the seed in the woman’s mind that God cannot be trusted, and I think that this is something that leads us down some very dangerous paths and must be addressed.
Throughout Scripture God not only encourages, but commands that we not worry. Jesus likewise commands us not to worry about what we will wear or eat, or what we will say when we are accused on his behalf. Worrying stems from our disbelief that God will provide when he says he will. It ultimately comes down to us not trusting God’s character. Worry then, while sinful in nature (for who are we to question God?), leads us to then act on our own behalf out of fear that God will not or cannot. This is Pride.
Now this act of pride can be identified in the heart of those who refuse to trust God with their salvation because of the belief that their moralistic lifestyle (good works) can save them. It also is seen in the heart of those who completely disregard morals and a need for salvation because ultimately they challenge the just and holy nature of God. Others still while they believe in his justice, doubt his ability to forgive or redeem. It also can be seen in the lives of believer’s lack of complete dependence on God when it comes to the deliverance from sin and judgment, which often leads to legalism, more pride, and more brokenness. All of this is pride for it is man saying that he knows better or can do better than God.
Against this I want to warn you with all of my heart. The majority of my writing to this point has been very encouraging and uplifting, but now I must be firm in order to stay true to the Gospel of Christ. We are by nature enemies of the cross of Christ. By this I mean that Jesus, fully God and fully man, came to live among us and teach us, and voluntarily sacrificed himself only to rise again to free us from the bondage of sin, and yet we daily make light of this, if not disregard it all together.
Instead of disregarding our sin, we must come to realize that the pain we suffer now is a consequence of our own actions. The responsibility lies with us. The book Lamentations gives a good example of what a righteous acknowledgment of our faithlessness looks like:
“My transgressions were bound into a yoke; by his hand they were fastened together; they were set upon my neck; he caused my strength to fail; the Lord gave me into the hands of those whom I cannot withstand… The Lord is in the right for I have rebelled against his word…”
How often do we come before the Lord and honestly accept our sin and its consequences as the result of our own actions? In this, my prayer is that for those now living in the dark valley burned by your actions that you would first come to realize and accept your part in your situation. I had a high school teacher that made us all memorize the definition of responsibility: “Responsibility is the acceptance of oneself as the cause of one’s current situation, and it is the willingness to cope with that situation.”
Now here is where my biggest struggle comes into play. I will admit to you now that I am sinful and broken. I will even acknowledge that I have lived in direct rebellion to the living God, fighting against him, for his position as Lord and King. In the moments after my rebellion and sin, when the dust is settling, and the reality of my actions set in, I am almost always VERY aware of my wickedness. I am usually very convicted and sorry for what I have done. I find myself disgusted at my actions and character, which I believe is an appropriate response. However, I often become stuck in that moment. I don’t know where to go or what to do with my guilt. I know I must go to God, but I feel as though I must do something first. I feel as if I must earn his forgiveness or merit his mercy (which be definition can’t be done, google “mercy definition”), but that feeling never leads to anything.
I think that it’s important to look back at Genesis and continue with the story of woman and her husband. So after they had openly decided to act against God’s command and plan for them, something happens. Scripture says, “Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked.” For them, this was that moment when they realized what they had done. They originally acted believing that this fruit would make them more than they were, only find themselves naked and ashamed… They were ashamed because they were now broken and marred creations. They were ashamed and wanted to hide their now imperfect forms. And here you have the birth of all insecurity. Ever since then, mankind has fought to produce something beautiful in order to cover its deformities. Men’s need to be strong providers for their wives, and women’s need to be seen as beautiful are both forms of the insecurity that began that day.
And like the men and women of today, man and woman acted to cover up what was now undesirable. “And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.” Then they hear God walking in the garden and the man and his wife hide. (Note that sin drives people further and further into the darkness.) God then calls to them asking them where they are. This is vital because God knows where they are, just as God knows where we are when we fall in our sin. He knows exactly where we are and what we have done, but he calls to us inviting us back to him.
Eventually man and woman come out and confess, after passing the blame where they could. They have come out of hiding and presented themselves as they are before God, then comes the judgment. Now this is key. While God makes clear the consequences of their sin and the actions he will have to take because of them, He does NOT abandon them. Rather, take a look at Genesis 3:21 which reads, “And the Lord God made for Adam and his wife garments of skin and clothed them.”
In the moments after their sin man and woman acted to cover up that of which they were ashamed, but their coverings were not sufficient. God sacrificed an animal, the first death, in order that man and woman would not be naked and live in their shame. In his love he acted on their behalf to cover them since they were unable to appropriately cover themselves. God then puts man out of the garden in order to protect him from living for eternity in a fallen state, and puts him to work. And I think that this is where we must find our hope.
As I said, my struggle is often what I do after I have fallen in sin and rebelled against God. I am ashamed of my wickedness and am afraid to go to God. However, God already knows my brokenness and my sin. He knows what I have done. Scripture says that God demonstrates his love to us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us. He knows. I cannot cover what I have done. I cannot hide from him when He calls. I must give up my weak pathetic attempts to cover what I have done and allow God to cover me, for this is pride even amidst my brokenness.
1 Peter 3:18 says, “For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh, but made alive in the spirit.” Jesus the Son of God died to cover our shame. He willingly sacrificed himself that we might have life. So whenever I punish myself after my rebellion, in order to earn God’s forgiveness, I am essentially saying that the sacrifice He made to cover me was not good enough, and again is pride saying that I can do better. Therefore I must allow Christ to cover me with his grace and accept his forgiveness despite the arguing of my flesh.
The reason that this is hard for us is because we desire power. We desire to be a part of our salvation and forgiveness. If we can somehow “help” God forgive us then we have some control and don’t have to fully depend on God, and this is wickedness and pride all over again. In the beginning, before the fall, God provided the man and woman with all the food they could eat. He gave them a task to accomplish and gave them the tools with which to accomplish it. We must realize that God is unchanging and that his provision then is the same provision he offers us now.
So what? I understand that at this point it seems that we should do something… I mean we have to have some sort of action, right? And I will say yes, BUT I very much want to clarify. Jesus says that the greatest commandment is to “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment.” He goes on to say, “And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
So what do we do? We immerse ourselves in God. We become completely dependent on everything that He has to offer. How do we do that? Jesus quotes Scripture when tempted by Satan saying, “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.” God’s Word is Essential to our walk with God. It is to be our sustenance and our strength. So I very much challenge you to think about how often you feast upon the Word of God. How strong will you be spiritually if you simply snack upon His word for a few minutes in the morning or less? I will admit that I am very guilty of being spiritually malnourished because of my own unwillingness to partake in what God has prepared for me.
And along with that, I believe that service is important. I’m not talking about a service project you do once a month. I’m talking about a way of living your life in which you genuinely serve those around you in real ways, encouraging, uplifting, providing, feeding, clothing, teaching… When the man and woman fell and faced the consequences of their sin God placed them to work outside of the Garden. They were not simply left to contemplate their actions as a kid in time out, rather they were given the duty to continue the mandate they had been given. Likewise Jesus says that with loving God with our everything, we are to love each other as we love ourselves. So in a culture that tells us that we should do everything to ensure our own survival and profit, God says that we should do everything to ensure the survival and profit of our neighbor, friend or enemy. How are you legitimately serving as God has called you to serve?
See there is something that comes with living out God’s word and serving as he has called us to serve. Both of these things reveal our selfish sinful nature and create a need for Christ in our lives. When we avoid Scripture we are more likely to cover our sin from those around us and even ourselves, which leads us to pride that says we can continue on in this life without God. We begin to believe that we do not need salvation or forgiveness or God’s daily provision. And for believers we actually get to the point where we believe that we are doing a good job at following God. If you would say to yourself right now, “I struggle with this and that, but overall I’m not doing too bad of a job,” you seriously need to evaluate how much you are depending on God. I know. I’ve been there. We are constantly failing and constantly betraying a God who loves and provides for us. We must recognize our complete inadequacy and go to our Loving God to work on our behalf.
Likewise when we serve others we realize our own selfishness and pride, which again must lead us to throw ourselves at the feet of Christ, dependent on his supernatural mercy and grace. And if we ever believe that we are doing a good job of serving, let us consider serving our enemies as Christ served us.
Now I know that this is a lot to deal with. I thank God for allowing me to share this. In all of this, here is my prayer: That we would be overcome with our fallenness, that we would come to realize how hopeless we really are on our own. I pray that we would no longer try to live independent of God, but that we would through the reading of scripture and obedience to his word become painfully aware of our need for a loving and merciful God. I pray that we would realize that outside of the cross, there is nothing that we can do to cover our sin, our wickedness, or our shame. I pray that we would all be brought to a place where we realize that God is great and mighty and will not be taken off his throne, and that He is also merciful and offers forgiveness to every rebel that is willing to accept it.
I love you friend and pray that this edifies and encourages you. To God be all the glory, forever and ever. Amen.
rustygates